“The largest organised open swim event in the world”. Fancy that!

Lorne inspired Rudyard Kipling to write his poem ‘The Flowers’:
“Buy my hot-wood clematis, buy a frond of fern
Gathered where the Erskine leaps, down the road to Lorne”

… to which I would add:

Four brave middle-aged men drive forth to the Shark’s pen
With eye shields strapped tight
and orange markers in sight
We just don’t know if we’ll see them again
Boom goes the starter’s gun blast
Heaven help those who come last
It makes no sense nor rhyme
Why are they chasing the fastest time?
The answer lies dormant and the reason sublime
On occasion the answer blissfully surfaces with the help of an ale
And hence is recited as our Pier to Pub tale

So this is the Belugas 2017 tale …

The day began with gathering at a new vantage point and a quick scan and settle the bags down with minimum fuss. From the outset the searing hot temperature would present us with the challenge stay cool. It was so hot in the sun that I noticed the suncream and vaseline melting and dripping down the bodies of competitors.

First up it was the 5k distance swimmers to take the march to the Pier. It was a dynamite brisk start without any time to contemplate tactics. As the results show, 3 naked (non wetsuit) Belugas and one very toasty Beluga took part in an extremely demanding circuit.

In an addition to my concerns I was not very comfortable out there having that bloody yellow rubber dingy stalking me because I certainly did not ring for an Uber. As I finished I was also politely asked if I was experiencing any chest pains, to which I suspiciously responded “No, I’m fine”. Gee, I must have looked rough around the gills. Anthony’s long arduous hours and hours of training saw him take respectable Beluga 5k line honours. Note: All Belugas survived.

Next it was time for the sprinters, being cheered on by Boris, Bindy (red dog stunt double) and many human minders and companions of all descriptions. It was lovely to see the families (Cateriano and Cameron) gathered in full support. The hot topical question of the day was “Were the Belugas going to avoid being on the shark’s menu?”.
Two remedies were suggested:
a. Feed the sharks so that they are too full to think about eating Belugas
b. Hurl hand grenades at the sharks to scare them off
Fortunately neither was necessary.

1.2k Sprint and Grand Final Day for Open Water Swimmers, a chance to swim against the best the sport has to offer.

The P2P brings back pleasurable memories, as related by Sue Cox:
“To me a successful day includes talking to as many people as possible, having a good swim, going to the pub followed by a walk down the main street for an ice cream or two. I always reminisce about my first Pier to Pub – my twins were two and I pushed the double pram up and down hills, through registration and onto the beach – fully loaded – food, swim toys and my own gear. Making it to the start line was an achievement. I smile to myself as realise I survived and it’s all behind me now.”

Special mentions….
Liz swimming with a friend who also swam in their very first Pier to Pub 32 years ago
Raoul Mulder achieved shark bait status (10 swims)
Doris Brown achieved double shark bit status (20 swims)
Tracy Cameron placing 10th
Sue Cox placing 6th
Anthony Purcell placing a well earned 2nd (despite being crook as a dog)

This year I will mention the fearless non wetsuit competitors Paul Turner, Maureen Weir and Ken Shannon. By the way, if anyone needs a hand getting into their wetsuit please see Tim Walker in future because he validated his newly patented technique by thoughtfully helping Jaye. It reminded me of the awkwardness of putting on rubber gloves before surgery.

Every competitor had the pleasure of being greeted by a storm of colourful beach umbrellas and bathing suits as they raced toward the finish. Without doubt the experience was joyous for all concerned with every Beluga achieving their personal triumph which presents in welling eyes and a cheery smile.

Note: Again, all Belugas Survived (sharks included).

Many thanks to Anthony Ferguson for combing through 5,200-odd results to compile the Belugas honour board below.